“When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.” 1Corinthians13:11
A little over a week ago I went to a one day retreat at my church. I’ve gone to a lot of different things similar to it. Each time pouring out my heart about the same issues over and over again. Each time I think I’ve made more and more progress, but this time was different. I always go up for prayer at events like this. My thinking is always that even if I don’t feel like I need prayer, there’s a good chance I actually do and I’m just not aware of it. I just never want to pass up the opportunity. So I was going into this service with the same thinking. The first part of the teaching was about letting go of control and letting God be God. I for sure went up for that. Then the next teaching about rejection came. I thought for sure when it started that this is definitely an issue that I need more prayer for. Rejection is always a reoccurring thing for me internally and something I was dealing with the week leading up to the retreat. But as the teaching ended and the worship music started for people to go up for prayer, I felt like God was telling me not to go. I felt like He showed me that I needed to stop going up for prayer for this issue and treating it like it’s still happening. That it was time to finally, fully let it go and trust Him and move on. To keep going back for prayer about it hundreds of times is like when a kid continues to ask his/her mom to pour a drink for them even though he/she is ten years old and more than capable of doing it on their own.
Let me be clear, God ALWAYS wants us to come to Him. Period. If I had chosen to still go up for prayer anyway God would not have been mad at me and turned me away. Just like a parent doesn’t want their child to stop coming to them for help when it’s needed. But there comes a time when you reach maturity and you handle your stuff differently. Spiritual maturity is the same thing. God didn’t turn me away, He handled me as a mature adult and walked me through as an adult. Instead of going up I stayed in my seat and released the whole past situation to Him fully, acknowledging that I could trust Him with it. He walked me through it. I had to stop reacting in the same past emotions and take the full knowledge that I have of God’s character and what He says and choose to believe it instead of thinking my stuff is hopeless. When we don’t believe His word and character and continue to just sit in our stuff, we really are just working against Him.
There reaches a point in each of our walks when it’s time to grow up and let these childhood hurts, emotions, and reactions go. To stop handling life as a child and to walk in the reality of being an actual adult. The only thing that is supposed to remain childlike in us is our trust in God. And just like a good parent, the only reason that He wants it this way is for our own good. Without growth, there really can be no real healing. We hold ourselves back and keep ourselves miserable when God is trying to show us that there is MORE to life than this. There is life beyond the past issues. There is actual freedom we can be living in. That we can trust ALL our every day and past problems with Him. We just have to see it and make the choice to trust Him.