The Struggle

So for about the past month God has been dealing a lot with me about my pride. I don’t remember but I’m sure I’ve mentioned it on here at some point. It’s been a real struggle. I really don’t always feel like this big prideful person. I don’t think I come off that way to people who come across me. But I am. I’m prideful in the way of thinking I can handle all my own stuff. I have a hard time reaching out and asking for help. With even admitting to myself that I need someone else and can’t do life alone is really hard. I’ve gotten a lot better at acknowledging that I need people but I still have a ways to go.

Like I said in a previous post, God gets included in the people that I keep out. Something that He revealed to me this weekend is that it has to do with my attitude when circumstances happen. In my mind I immediately go into a worry state and start figuring out how to solve the problem. My first actual reaction isn’t always to go straight to God with it. And when I do, a lot of times it’s just to tell Him about it and then keep worrying and trying to figure it out. This is me “praying” to Him about it. Part of praying IS pouring out my heart and concerns to God but…..it’s not supposed to be followed by worry. It’s supposed to be followed by proclaiming who God is in the situation. To proclaim God’s promises. Not to rely on my own self to fix it. That’s not fully surrendering anything to Him.

I was reading about Moses yesterday. About when God comes to tell him that he needs to go back to Egypt to lead His people out of slavery. The back and forth between Moses and God is SO like how I am with Him, and I’m sure like many of you can be too. God comes to Moses and says He’s seen the oppression of His people and heard their cries. He says, “I have come down to rescue them from the power of the Egyptians and lead them out of Egypt into their own fertile and spacious land”(Exodus3:8). Notice that He says HE has come to lead them out, doesn’t even mention Moses in it. He then says He’s sending Moses to lead them out along WITH God. So God is saying basically, “I’m going to go rescue my people and I’d like you to go with me.” God has all the power to do it alone but wants to use Moses as a leader to bring it to pass.  Moses’ first and only question back to that was, “who am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?” To which God replies, “I will be with you.”

I just love that. God doesn’t even respond about who Moses is, He just answers all that needs to be said. That God will be with him. Moses is obviously immediately putting the whole weight of what needs to be done on himself and his own identity. And God is saying that all the identity Moses needs is in knowing that God has ALL the strength, ability, and power and that He will be with Him. Moses brings up his own weaknesses and doubts four more times after that. Each time God responds with saying who HE is. Does not even entertain the idea that it has anything to do with Moses or his abilities. God tells him, “I AM WHO I AM.” That “this is my eternal name, my name to remember for all generations.” Meaning that God is unchanging. He doesn’t flake out. He has power to handle a situation that we can’t even understand or comprehend. He is who He says He is.

I get so worried about how I will personally handle something that I don’t even stop to really believe these promises for myself in my own life. I cut off what He is able to do in me and for me by worrying and trying to handle everything myself. I keep saying “but what will I do to fix this? Who am I to handle this?” When He is saying that HE sees it and HE is able to handle it. It’s not about who I am, it’s about who HE is. My identity needs to be in HIS character not my own.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.” Proverbs 3:5-6

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2 thoughts on “The Struggle

    • Right, I’m so grateful that He is faithful despite our fight against Him. Like with Moses, He still used him even after Moses kept fighting Him on it. God’s faithfulness isn’t dependent on our character. Imagine where we’d be if it was…

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